I wasn’t sure if I needed or wanted to post my previous blog. Now I know I should have when I wrote it and not waited like I did. Because the story always continues….
It is full fletched autumn here. Days with rain and barely any sun leave people at home. If Holland has a monsoon season, this is it! It is a cold awakening after a warm summer that is now indeed really over. At first there is the longing for the sun and cursing the cold and then there comes the fresh autumn smell, the leaves that change color and add their fragrance to the moist ground beneath our feet. My body begins to adjust to the temperature and settles itself in the knowing that this is part of change and part of nature. I make some tea, light some candles and listen to the rain on the roof and slowly remember the warmth of winter…the holiday season that, god willing, might give us some snow this year, chocolate milk, cinnamon, fireplaces and christmas songs. I start looking forward to what is coming and accepting what is. In the end… If all the doomscenario’s fail…we will have spring again!
Today started like all the others with pooring rain, making me long to stay inside and turn on the heater, however I chose to put my body in motion and visit the (iindoor) pool to do a few laps as part of some needed exercise and thought release that water offers me. I felt so lucky that they kept the pool open, even though temperatures are dropping. It is meant as a summer pool and seeing I wasn’t the only one there helped strengthen my idea that I am not the only one that was wishing for a extension to the enjoyment of the pool.
After I got back I felt refreshed and awakened and ….did I see this right? Blue skies were heading my way….sure enough the sun came out, warming not only my body but soul as well…you appreciate the things most when you don’t have them and the appreciation of the autumn sun is immense!! I was walking in this sunlight away from my small cabin and felt lucky…extremely lucky..
Lucky to be alive, lucky to be healthy, lucky for the family I have, lucky for the place I live, lucky for the pool I have at my disposal…lucky for the job I have and the freedom it offers me. I realized that I always strive to be the best at what I do…to do the most with what life offers me…to enjoy all the things I do and to love what I do every day……. But walking in the sun I realized …in that moment, I was completely happy…no needs, no wants…no thoughts…just enjoying a moment in time when I have everything I could ever ask for….I realized how silly it is to want to have or achieve things as a means to happiness…because hapiness is right here…you needn’t look for it…you needn’t work for it…. You don’t have to fight for it….or uncover anything for it….it’s right here…all the time…and all I had to do to experience it…is not to do, strive or need to achieve anything!!
For months they have been asking me to stop working all together, to stop doing anything that feels like work and to just be empty an allow things to come to me…. It brought me through a love connection to the realization to take care of myself…and to wake up every day and bend what makes me happy, to what is planned or needs to be done…every moment I ask myself…do I like this? Is it effortless? And through this seeing the simplicity of hapiness..it isn’t about how many people I reach, but the quality of myself I offer…to know I am perfect in every moment. Right here, right now…. I feel blessed, I am blessed and hope to god I will still remember this feeling when I wake up tomorrow morning! 🙂