Life is what you make it.. and we make it…. day in and day out…. we decide which people we allow into our lives, the things we receive, the things we hold back. The things we fear and the things we love… nothing is pre-destined.. we decide it everyday.. again and again… yet most ot the time.we don’t realize we have created this reality.
Instead of waking up thinking: what do I wish to experience today and what do I wish to eliminate today? We think of the things we need to do… what is going to happen and where we need to be.
I catch myself standing under a warm shower thinking about what clothes to wear and what I am all to do next. When I wake up the first thing I do is think of what was on my schedule for that day. No room for starting over everyday… but living by what the previous day dictated to us…
I am sharing this because time is changing under our hands. Things that were important before suddenly don’t seem that important. Things we fought for all our lives fall apart or we simply can’t find the courage to fight anymore… We are tired of the live we created and we have no real concept of how to un-create it. .. .to change it… Let me be specific.. I have no idea how to do this…
Monday I was getting what I called ‘jolts’ through my body, which are usually an indication that I am missing something.. that I am out of alignment… and this time it wasn’t one jolt.. it was one every ten seconds… so while driving to work in the snow I started to listen to the inner voice that needed to speak…. The question that came up was sudden an unexpected:
what if tomorrow you were no longer expected to do this job… what would you be doing? what if it ends today… where would you put your focus on?
It was a question that was unexpected. I was hired to do this job for at least two more months and no indication that this was any different. Besides that, I have my own company that needs time and lots of beautiful things to do….. so I knew something was up..
Everytime I tried to let it go (which was every 30 seconds) I would get another jolt reminding me that the question had not been answered yet!! So I really started thinking about it…. and suddenly having clients in my practise or doing soundconcerts didn’t seem like the answer… I didn’t understand why at the time but I do now. It takes effort and input to keep my company going. It is not that if I let go.. people just flow in.. .and this exact fact of having to work so hard to focus, visualize and dream my reality has stopped being sufficient.. it had tired me on a very deep level. There is still a fight in that.. a fight to keep the company going because it is what I am suppose to be doing…..
Suddenly this didn’t seem so appealing anymore…. I have been working on effortless creation and Iwinkta at this point certainly wasn’t that… if anything my contracts in the ICT (which I sometimes still did) felt more effortless then advertising and networking for that what I loved to do…. Maybe it was time for a change…. it feels like it is all about taking charge…. and my beautiful dog has been the most amazing teacher in this. I always felt that I needed to learn to surrender more…. and more.. and more….. now I know ..and feel it deep within… I don’t need to surrender anymore.. .perhaps my one flaw (ok.. maybe not the only one LOL) is that I surrender to much and that it is now time to take charge…..
And funny as it may seem….everything I am doing is about this…. my ICT job, my plans, my dog… all about taking charge and even though I know from my past that I was once very good at that… I seemed to have lost this ability along the way somewhere… But it is coming back to me… and it is giving me space… calmness and peace… that no matter what.. it is all perfect!!!