Deep insight a knowing was familiar with what has been happening but on the outside doubts filled my head that wanted to understand… As predicted by myself the leap I have made from living carefree to carrying a huge burden (or seemingly so to the mind) of a big building has been a tremendous one!…
After a period of severe doubt in which I even (more then once) decided to stop this project I have ‘landed’ at our new ‘home’. As my mother always says (taught by her mother) is: your soul arrives by horse.. meaning your physical body might be somewhere before your whole being is.
After my last post the doubts were most severe. It was through the post of an old and dear friend: Dana Ross that I was reminded to keep breathing. Breath in my desired world and breath out my unwanted fears.. it worked to keep me going and remind me why I was doing this.
Most people would argue it was my mind or need or ego that wanted to have this great big building to show off… but people who know me understand the opposite is true.. my ego wanted no part in this.. there is so much room for failure, disappointment and being unable to fulfil what is needed that my ego has no reason to put me through this misery..The knowing within me however, is carefree and is not bothered by right or wrong or good or bad…. it just knows what is….. and especially what is not…
So after weeks of coming home with headaches and doubts, some help from friends and a LOT of help from my co-creators in this building… I landed….. I finally put my soul and being… bigger and stronger then ever….. down in this new reality… and ever since I have been on a roller coaster of gratefulness throughout my being everyday.
Never in my life have I defied my fears on such a scale, never in my life have I trusted so much beyond any reason to do so.. never in my life have I taken such an impossible to understand leap within me… and never in my life have I been rewarded so deeply, never in my life have I felt so supported … never in my life have I truly felt so on my path as today… and it makes everyday shine more and more.
My life of constant wonder what I was doing wrong and could be done better is replaces by a feeling of gratefulness for what I have.. gratefulness of what I do and gratefulness for who I am doing this with.. but the gratefulness extends to every corner of my being and everyday I realise more things to be grateful for and less things to worry about….
Except the worry perhaps.. that this too shall pass… which I hope it never will…… may this grow within me.. and may I radiate it towards you…. and may we together grow and grow in gratefulness of this wonder called life.. where when we conquer our fears….. life begins!!
Namasté and happy abundant 2015